You’ve probably been directed here by someone you sent a message to on a dating or social media site, right?

What that means is that you asked that person to provide titillation, pander to your fetishes, or provide sexual gratification in some way without showing regard for THEIR needs and preferences. That is the job of professional sex workers, not strangers on the Internet, and it’s disrespectful to talk to someone as if you want them to do the job of a sex worker, just one that you don’t have to pay. This brings us to our main point, which is thatĀ FREE SEX WORKERS DON’T EXIST.

People/girlfriends/lovers/partners/playmates/FWBs are not in your life to function as free sex workers, so please don’t approach as if that’s what you’re looking for.

If you’re on a dating site or social media site, please keep in mind that sex is not the only reason to interact with someone, and most people – yes, even those looking for casual sex or Friends-with-Benefits arrangements – have no interest in the contents of your underwear or your fetishes until they actually know and like you as a person. So talk to people on dating sites as if they are PEOPLE instead of sexual gratification dispensers. The chances of you getting to have sex with them will be better, the sex you actually have with them will be better, and you won’t run the risk of making them feel awful and ruining their day when you thought you were complimenting them, or “just being honest and up front”. Treating someone like a human being is not a waste of your time. What IS a waste of your time is to send objectifying messages that ruin people’s days and make them angry. It’s bad for them, it’s bad for you, it’s bad for everyone else on the site. “

There’s nothing at all wrong with wanting to have sex, but people on dating sites are usually looking for a connection FIRST. If you want to go to the subject of sex right away, then please contact a sex worker, treat them with respect, and be prepared to pay their rates.


If you’re thinking “I don’t mean to do this, my intentions are good!” Here are some things you can try to be aware of in order to not send inadvertently offensive and insulting messages:

1. Read the person’s profile before sending a message. Is this person looking for the same things you’re looking for? Do you meet their basic requirements of age, relationship status, location, etc? If you don’t, it’s best to just not message them, because you can already tell they don’t want to meet you. It’s a waste of everybody’s time for you to message people who have already told you “No” right in their profile.

2. Don’t bring up sex in the first message. Talk about something else, like a point of interest in their profile. People are more likely to agree to that first coffee date if they like you as a person and you treat them with respect, and they’re more likely to want to get naked with you if they like you and you keep treating them with respect. It’s okay to want sex, but if you want the right to ask for sex without getting to know someone first, then what you want is a sex worker. Go hire one like an adult.

3. Don’t bring up your fetishes right away. Yes, it may seem very important to find someone who shares or supports them, but wait until you have an established rapport before broaching intimate subjects. Remember, people are more likely to be willing to have an intimate relationship with you if they like YOU. They may even like you enough to indulge your fetish just to please you! Getting a fetish need met is a good foundation for a professional relationship with a sex worker, but it’s not a good starting point for connecting with someone on a dating site.

4. Are you messaging this person in order to have a sexual encounter with someone of their age, body type, or ethnic background? That’s called fetishization, and means you are objectifying them, and that’s not okay. If you want to have sex with a person with specific physical characteristics, hire a sex worker. This is part of the service that sex workers willingly and knowingly provide; you can choose someone based entirely on their physical characteristics or how well they fit your fantasy ideal. This is NOT a respectful way to treat someone on a dating site, nor is it a solid foundation to start even the most casual of relationships. People on dating sites are generally not willing to just help you tick off a box on your sex fantasy scorecard. Sex workers usually are.

If you’re thinking “ZOMG how dare you suggest I see an escort! I’ve never paid for sex in my life and I’m too hot/nice/normal to do that blah blah disease blah blah whores blah blah”, we have this advice for you: GET OVER IT. Sex workers are people, and sex work is WORK, just like the work that you do. There are many independent and responsible sex workers who run their business with integrity and with whom you would be honored to get an appointment. Hot, nice, non-desperate people visit sex workers every single day, and there is no shame in either being a sex worker or in hiring one.

Finally, if you’re thinking “You’re crazy, I wasn’t treating someone disrespectfully, I was just being honest and straight forward!” Please go back and read your message to the person who sent you to this site again, and really try to see our point. If you still think you did nothing wrong, then please go deep throat a chainsaw, because you’re a bad person and everybody hates you.